community: mercy

Last week was about me.  I prayed for me.  I thought about me.  I dreamed about me-centered things.  On one of those days I woke up grumpy.  No surprise, I had me for breakfast.

My mom asked me to go to the store for... I think it was flour.  I had a decision to make: Jewel or Dominicks?  I chose Jewel for three deep and compelling reasons.

1. There are self-checkout lanes

2. I didn't want to talk to anyone

3. I hadn't showered

So,  I jumped into the family van and drove to Jewel thinking about what a bad person I was.  I was deliberately avoiding human contact, and I wasn't going to change.

I walked through Jewel successfully avoiding any howdydo's and stood by myself scanning the flour.

"Do you play soccer?"

I was startled to see an employee named Slavisa standing twelve inches or so from my face.

"Uh, yes I do," I said.  The correct answer would have been, "I'm a has-been as of Winter 2009" but let's not argue over the details.

Slavisa and I proceeded to have a two minute conversation about soccer, and how we both don't like getting hit in the face with the ball.  I left Jewel and laughed as I got into the family van and thanked God for Slavisa.  Despite all my machinations, God decided I would have a conversation with someone, shower or no.

My Jewel adventure got me thinking about community. I often think of it as church potlucks, parties, soccer games, and picnics.  But it is more.  Community is scary because it means people get to see the real you, true community strips past the social facades we erect to keep people from knowing who we really are.

God knows we need to be with people.  God knows I need to be with people.  God uses people to show us how much we need Him, and God uses people to show us how much He loves us.

I realize that I avoid community because it takes work, and it can be messy.  It takes love and sacrifice, mercy and patience.

I want to be willing to serve people whenever God desires, sometimes it so hard.... when I've been thinking about me especially.  When I'm focused on me, it is harder to give other people grace, or the time of day.  Lately, to help, I have been thinking about this verse:

"Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful."  Luke 6:36

This verse helped me understand again that loving people and working in community is hard, and it requires mercy.  Since I know the lavish amounts of mercy God has bestowed upon me, I can ask Him to help me give other people love and mercy without measure.

And once I start conciously giving mercy to others, and praying for mercy, I realize how much mercy I recieve daily.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord I serve.

If you need a passage of scripture to help you pull your head out of the ground, I suggest Luke 6.  It worked for me... but really, you'd have to ask somebody in my community if it helped.

Give love, give mercy, live in community.

grace repeller

I have written before about how I used to be terribly afraid of hell. My fear of of fire, darkness, and utter loneliness kept me awake at night. I became superstitious and systematic in my spirituality. I read certain verses before going to sleep because I felt more secure after reading them. I said certain prayers to God and prayed against the powers of hell.

It was compulsive. Legalistic. I was afraid of removing something from my routine, it might just send me to.....

I wanted so desperately to go to heaven and be with Jesus. But I was afraid that He wouldn't let me in. I must have committed a secret sin against Him... one that would keep me away from my loved ones and my God for eternity.

I kind of thought nobody else struggled with this, but I have come to learn otherwise- other people also struggle with eternity uncertainty... especially in Christian circles with those of us who came to Christ at a young age.

Frankly, we possess a goodness that repels.

Or, at least a faulty understanding of who we are. We have lived a grace-filled and grace-covered life for so long, we think somehow we get to heaven by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. The blessings we received, we must have somehow merited. And then we sin. Our errors stare us down. Our goodness is no longer sufficient in our own eyes.

I thought God couldn't love a once-redeemed sinner like me. You gave me grace once Lord, now it is my turn to earn it. My goodness made me think that somehow God chosen me, Abby the Pharisaical Christian. My prayers, my Bible, my pleading with God must make me more desirable.... He must have mercy.

He has had mercy. His name is Jesus. He has forgiven every sin.

Even yesterday's? Even yesterdays, and the ones to come. Can I trust Him that He will never let me go?

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

If you are anything like me, you skipped reading those verses because you have heard them before. You know the promises, but they haven't sunk into your soul.

Ask God for knowledge of His grace. I have been on a sort of quest for the past few months to understand what it means for me, Abby, to live in God's grace. Daily I understand it a little more. I think it will take a lifetime. But I don't mind, eternity with the Giver of grace will follow.