last post of the year...

Today shuts the curtains on 2008.

A new year is hiding in the wings.  Could I write this any more dramatically?

I hope you all have thought of your new year's resolutions by now.  Mine is the same this year as it has been for last few years.  Floss.  I feel bad about it every time I go to the dentist.  Hopefully this year I can say more truthfully that I flossed everyday, or once a week... 

This year has been as full of change, opportunity and excitement as any year preceding it.

-I am older, for better or for worse.

-The marathon primary and presidential election are over.

-I have a new baby brother, at age 22.

-I played my last soccer game.

-I went to New York for the third time, on my second missions trip.

-I started a blog.

-The economy tanked and gas prices went down.

-I am almost officially done with my bachelor's degree, 7 credits of shy of more responsibility.

-I'm in love with my dearest friend... and closer to understanding what it means to fall in love with my Savior.

I know I am forgetting things... if you find one that is glaring in its absence, let me know.

I am excited for the new year, and for the good it will bring, and the struggles.  Writing this blog has shown me even more clearly how much I learn through pain... still, I'd rather not deal with it most days.

To close out I thought I would share with you my picks for '08.  These are new albums, movies and some books that have been influential or that I have enjoyed over this year.  Some of them are not new, but I thought I would share them anyway.

Album of the Year: For Emma, Forever Ago... Bon Iver

--This album was my consistent favorite over the course of the year, it is definitely a classic in my mind.  Haunting.

Runners-up: Fleet Foxes' Fleet Foxes , Coldplay's Viva La Vida

Movie of the Year: The Dark Knight 

--I can't say no to a good super-hero movie.

Runners-up: Wall-E

Book of the Year: Blue Like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller

--These books are not new... but I don't usually read recent best-sellers.  These were extremely thought-provoking reads for me this summer.  If you ever want to read them and discuss them with me, I would love it.

Runners-up: Pensees by Blaise Pascal (definitely old, definitely great)

Well, I think that's it.  I hope you are excited for the new year, and that you can look back on this past one and see how God has had His hand on your life... He loves you today and forever.

So long 2008.

jesus-blind

Christmas is over.  My last blog was about anticipation and a craving for light.

Did I find it?  Or did I lose it, and experience subsequent disappointment?

Well, in some ways I felt like I missed it all together.

School got out later than ever.  I didn't make cookies.  I shopped for presents on the 22nd and 23rd.  I missed having solitude time with God from roughly the 16th to the 28th (due to busyness and well, oversleeping).

The third missed opportunity is probably the best diagnosis for my disease.  Jesus-blind.  

I'm convinced.  I don't just miss out on light and Jesus at Christmastime.  It is a year-round phenonmenon.  I am in a continual process of falling and getting up again.  The falling is of my own volition, the getting up requires divine help.

I wish I could make it to a place where I don't fall into formulaic prayers and lukewarm spirituality.  The funny things is, these things that I desire most I find when I am weakest.

When I am wrong, I find forgiveness in Jesus.

When I am weak, I find strength in Him.

When I committed the same sin that trips me up week after week, in Him I find grace.

This past weekend was a spiritual valley... I beat myself up inside over my mistakes... I swung twice and missed.  I looked at my blank journal.  Strike three.

My dearest friend prayed for me, and that encouraged me to seek my Father.

I started to pray again.  I broke out of my formula, and prayed about the things that were plaguing me.

I stopped worrying about my penmanship and what people would think if they read about my struggles.  God knows I am still being sanctified, I shouldn't forget that either.

I am at peace today, I saw a glimpse of Jesus.  My problems are shrinking in light of His face.