to know and be known

Sometimes I go crazy.  Well, that's hyperbole.  I've got this issue, and I recently diagnosed myself.  It has something to do with thinking I'm an artist and something to do with being a writer.  I simply must write in order to think clearly.

It doesn't matter if I write about what is bothering me or stressing me out, to write is the thing.  To be able to clearly lay out my thoughts in precise or meandering sentences.  To know that my paragraph has made sense of myself to me, and hopefully to others.

Writing is a way that I express my desire to be known and understood.  I think everyone desires this.  I think that is why we need community, as I wrote about earlier.  And because we desire to be known, we do crazy things to get attention (think of yourself, celebrities, and jr. highers).... attention that we ultimately want from a God who feels far away.

It is strange to think that I am small.  That I live on an earth so big, I cannot be seen from space.  And this earth cannot be seen from other galaxies.  Yet, there is a God.  He created me, and He knows my every thought.  He created me to know things by five senses, and yet I cannot see or feel Him.  But He also gave me a soul, and my soul knows that He exists when I cannot touch Him.  He created me to desire Him, and I will spend eternity with Him.

Sometimes these thoughts overwhelm me with their beauty, and sometimes I get caught up in my smallness and forget them.  But the God who is greater than anything I can sense or imagine knows my soul.  I belong to Him.  I am known, and I am loved.

community: mercy

Last week was about me.  I prayed for me.  I thought about me.  I dreamed about me-centered things.  On one of those days I woke up grumpy.  No surprise, I had me for breakfast.

My mom asked me to go to the store for... I think it was flour.  I had a decision to make: Jewel or Dominicks?  I chose Jewel for three deep and compelling reasons.

1. There are self-checkout lanes

2. I didn't want to talk to anyone

3. I hadn't showered

So,  I jumped into the family van and drove to Jewel thinking about what a bad person I was.  I was deliberately avoiding human contact, and I wasn't going to change.

I walked through Jewel successfully avoiding any howdydo's and stood by myself scanning the flour.

"Do you play soccer?"

I was startled to see an employee named Slavisa standing twelve inches or so from my face.

"Uh, yes I do," I said.  The correct answer would have been, "I'm a has-been as of Winter 2009" but let's not argue over the details.

Slavisa and I proceeded to have a two minute conversation about soccer, and how we both don't like getting hit in the face with the ball.  I left Jewel and laughed as I got into the family van and thanked God for Slavisa.  Despite all my machinations, God decided I would have a conversation with someone, shower or no.

My Jewel adventure got me thinking about community. I often think of it as church potlucks, parties, soccer games, and picnics.  But it is more.  Community is scary because it means people get to see the real you, true community strips past the social facades we erect to keep people from knowing who we really are.

God knows we need to be with people.  God knows I need to be with people.  God uses people to show us how much we need Him, and God uses people to show us how much He loves us.

I realize that I avoid community because it takes work, and it can be messy.  It takes love and sacrifice, mercy and patience.

I want to be willing to serve people whenever God desires, sometimes it so hard.... when I've been thinking about me especially.  When I'm focused on me, it is harder to give other people grace, or the time of day.  Lately, to help, I have been thinking about this verse:

"Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful."  Luke 6:36

This verse helped me understand again that loving people and working in community is hard, and it requires mercy.  Since I know the lavish amounts of mercy God has bestowed upon me, I can ask Him to help me give other people love and mercy without measure.

And once I start conciously giving mercy to others, and praying for mercy, I realize how much mercy I recieve daily.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord I serve.

If you need a passage of scripture to help you pull your head out of the ground, I suggest Luke 6.  It worked for me... but really, you'd have to ask somebody in my community if it helped.

Give love, give mercy, live in community.