where passion and will collide

I often wonder where God wants me to go. Some days I wish He would give me a list or itinerary, one I that I could use to make sure I am in the center of His will. I want to serve Him with my gifts... I want to give Him all of me, but I worry. I worry that service won't pay the bills. I worry that my desire to serve the Creator is selfish... or imprudent?

Which leads me to the dilemma, how does one discover God's will, when your own will and societal pressures are screaming for attention?

It is difficult to make life decisions when there are things that seem prudent and safe, and others that seem, well, a little dangerous. I am wondering if this is what it means to follow Christ, a little danger, a little earthly uncertainty in exchange for heavenly security.

Jesus told His disciples to not lay up for themselves treasures on earth, and he told them not to worry about earthly possessions (Matthew 6). I know these passages like the back of my hand, but they don't sink into my heart. Do I really trust that God will take care of me if I seek to serve Him in the areas I am passionate about?

I'm okay with losing the battle and the war of the wills to God. His will has always proved itself in my life to be perfect, good, and exactly what I needed... even when I had a better idea.

I want to serve God, in the most radical and mundane of ways. I'm okay with whatever He is calling me to, as long as I am close to Him. He is my passion, my life is no longer my own.