fuzzy sheep give freely

I wrote this a couple months ago...I had some lessons to learn, as usual.

Am I conditioned to be this way? What event in my past has caused me to be suspicious of my fellow man? I am on the mend, that is, my perception of the world and its ways is rapidly changing. Changing so fast it is hard for me to track my progression, until yesterday.

Let's start from the beginning. I have always wanted to help people, people that need me, poeple that really need Jesus. But maybe they don't know it. I hate to see people hurting. But I have been afraid. I am supposed to be suspicious; it's all a scam they say. It's a ploy, they want drugs or alcohol, and you have an innocent face. I am one fuzzy sheep, folks say sheep are stupid and naive.  I have been told I'm naive, no surprises there, probably a little stupid too.

Okay, I'm being unclear in my musings, so I'll lay it out nice and easy.  What do you say when a homeless man accosts you on the street?  He needs some food, a place to stay, or money for the bus.  That's what he says.  You have money, but feel reluctant.  What is he really going to do with your hard-earned cash?  You don't want to think about it, it's cold, and you want to keep walking.  "I can't, I'm sorry," you reply and head to your car.  When you are out of hearing he curses you under his breath and gathers up his wounded pride to beg from another.  You feel guilty, but satisfy your conscience by reminding yourself that you have not aided him with his addiction.

This is how I thought, and acted in the past.  But I have been thinking again, re-thinking.  What if I am not called to judge the motives and intents of my fellow man?  What if I am simply called to give of what God has given me regardless of who asks?  My Lord said I should walk two miles rather than one, and asked me to give my tunic as well as my cloak.  What if, rather than simply recalling these verses I put them into action?  What if I stopped protecting myself from hurting people?  I have been asking for a change, asking for God to light a fire in me and give me passion, and God has been answering my prayers in ways I had not expected.

Confession:  I have been convicted regarding finances.  I used to tithe regularly, and have since fallen off the wagon in college.  Being away from my home church and parental accountability has caused me to stumble.  Giving, why am I so selfish and lazy?  I have asked the Lord for help in this area, but help has come in an unusual fashion.

So I went to the bank Thursday, a handful of checks to cash, and some to deposit.  As I exited my roommate's little red car,  I was approached by a young girl.  She and her deaf mother were from Rockford, visiting a sick grandmother, and had an almost empty tank of gas.  The mother had forgotten her wallet at home and they needed help.  They had asked 20 people for help.  I was lucky 21.  I said I would help, cashed my checks, and handed the girl 20 bucks for gas.  I said "God bless you," because I couldn't think of less generic spiritual thing to say.  I wanted to say that it was all because of Jesus.  They may have fooled a sheep, but Jesus knows.